How am I Suppossed to Refelct on Coming-to-Age When I am Coming-to-Age?

I can say what i believe coming to age means, but i probably am wrong. All i can give is what others tell me it is. I am expecting their experience but i know i probably won't go through it. but i might. I feel that going though teenage years is like driving through the city with out knowing where my destination is, but i do have some directions, but the directions are for another city so they don't match up right. I might run a few red light in my hurry or i might take a few wrong turns, but how am i supposed to know if they were the wrong things to do until the end? It is fate and because of human nature, we try to shape our fate. I don't know what i am supposed to do. Mabey i sould go on my hero's journey like milkman. but then i wonder if that is a egotistical view of myself, thinking i am the hero. mabey i am only the side kick, like a petroclis. but naturally i wan't to reject that idea. I would like to say that this renounceing of lack-of-meaning in one's life is a common feeling throughout all people, but is it possible that some people don't believe that they are the protagonist of the story? regaurdless i feel as if i am approching my coming to age moment, but like the last kid to get picked for teams on the playground i am nervouse that it might never happen. then i wonder if i have already had my moment but it wasn't all that it has been promised to be, like a super-hyped up movie that once you watch it really wasn't all that brilliant (Napolean Dynomite anyone). all in all there is nothing i can do about it.

Family Dinner

I am fortunate for my family dinner every night. No matter how many soccer practices, PTA meetings, or phone calls we have, we always have at least 5 family dinners a week. I love them. I am one of those kids that loves a home cooked meal. Don't get me wrong thought i can kill some hot wings from "Sensational subs" but if i don't get my healthy home food i really can't function well. My stomach gets to rumbling and tumbling. Also as a busy family we need the 30 min a night to bond. I personally make it my agenda during those dinners to pick the occasional fight with my baby sister. My favorite topic to bring up is boyfriends, and what they might do if i "paid them a visit" of course this leads to arguments and eventually i am sent to my room. That is fine by me though, looks like my sister is stuck with the dishes again. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Nothing absolutly nothing... you happy now

Sike. I don't really know... wait i take that back. I do know. I just find it hard to put to words. I learned about not getting a straight forward answer, only question after question like some god awful circle-of-life nightmare (this is why i am a math and history guy just facts and answers). But i kind of already knew about about not getting answers and only questions before. This was more of a practice. like haveing run a couple times and then being trust into a 5k race, you know about running and 5k races you have run before but all of a sudden it is "for real."
I learned that you had the write answer if you said some insightful question as the answer, but the question might seem insightful to me but then sounds stupid when said outloud. It was almost as if the answer you gave was more baced on fate and luck then accual merit, meaning that any question could be torn apart and made foolish or exhalted and worshiped depending on it's fate.
Yeah i might have learned but all that i have learned is not reproduceable. I feel that this is like drawing two silvers, i got stuff from it but it doesn't help me at all. Or mabey it does... can i get 2 exta points for this?

Nothing absolutly nothing... you happy now

uuuuuuugh.... why you making me choose

The romantasized option would be to say freewill. It gives me images of a lone ranger walking off in the horizen towards endless adventurs (much like the cheesy Harley clip our teacher showed us). I know better though, (or i think i do (but if i am doubting does that cancel my knowlege out)) I don't have supreme free will. Or even any free will at that. My teacher was speaking in class about a philosopher whose theory is that fate is not necesarily based on a superior being but by one's genetics, experiences, and environment. This envoked deep thought in myself. I have had similar theories but have never summerized them in such a way. It was as if i was in a car ride up a mountain and all of a sudden my ears popped with out me knowing they were not clear allready. The knowlege hit me and i was cleared. I believe in FATE. but not fate set by a higher being because if the being was so high why would it bother itself with petty things such as the fate of me. If i was a higher being i would just loose myself in pure bliss and never bother myself with work. Fate is set by our experiences, genetics, and environment. I have spent quit a while now trying to think of exceptions to this and i can't. I would like to think when i make choises it is myself that is choosing the choice but it isn't it is the previous experiences that i have remembered that form my decision. And even if i choose at random it is the pressure from the anti-conformity side that brings me to this decision. But i get the anti-conformity idea from my peers or things i have seen or because i want to imitate others (aka the environment/experiences). I have no freewill and those who say they do are fools.