uuuuuuugh.... why you making me choose

The romantasized option would be to say freewill. It gives me images of a lone ranger walking off in the horizen towards endless adventurs (much like the cheesy Harley clip our teacher showed us). I know better though, (or i think i do (but if i am doubting does that cancel my knowlege out)) I don't have supreme free will. Or even any free will at that. My teacher was speaking in class about a philosopher whose theory is that fate is not necesarily based on a superior being but by one's genetics, experiences, and environment. This envoked deep thought in myself. I have had similar theories but have never summerized them in such a way. It was as if i was in a car ride up a mountain and all of a sudden my ears popped with out me knowing they were not clear allready. The knowlege hit me and i was cleared. I believe in FATE. but not fate set by a higher being because if the being was so high why would it bother itself with petty things such as the fate of me. If i was a higher being i would just loose myself in pure bliss and never bother myself with work. Fate is set by our experiences, genetics, and environment. I have spent quit a while now trying to think of exceptions to this and i can't. I would like to think when i make choises it is myself that is choosing the choice but it isn't it is the previous experiences that i have remembered that form my decision. And even if i choose at random it is the pressure from the anti-conformity side that brings me to this decision. But i get the anti-conformity idea from my peers or things i have seen or because i want to imitate others (aka the environment/experiences). I have no freewill and those who say they do are fools.

Live for the moment.

There is no question about it. i would live now die in a couple, and be DA MAN. why do you think i would want to live forever and never be known, never be a somebody. I would hate to think of myself as a statistic or my life to be meaningless. I know it might sound conceded but i believe i have an inept feeling of being the center of the world. and i don't mean i am the only one that matters, but i know i am not just a pawn.
another thing is what in this world that is happening now makes you want to believe that this world is going to be a place you would want to be living in for another 70 years. The way its going i might be living in a war torn desolate hell hole for my 70 long years to come. in my opinion the world and culture and climate and politics is on a steady downward spiral and i don't really know if i would be willing to bet my most precious possession on it being around long enough to live the long and slow life.
Ont the other hand if i was to die young rich happy and incredibly famous, i wouldn't have to worry about the world to come. i wouldn't have to work to end up ok. i would pack my life in a moment and blow up in a fiery show of excellence. I couldn't even begin to think of having nothing to live for besides a decent retirement and a nice old people's home with porridge. Like the popular phrase, Go Big Or Go Home.

Two Words: Power Rangers

For me power rangers encompassed my childhood. From the time i climed stone mountain to the time I cracked my head open, I always used to ware my red ranger suit. The red ranger was the leader, the strongest, the bravest, and not to mention BOSSY. All suits i gladly portrayed myself to be at an early age. I loved the way they worked together as a team, much like my friends and I did when we were together. The Power Rangers were the Heroes of my generation. Everyone could relate to atleast on of the Power Rangers, which helped to make the game more enjoyable. And despite the usual fights over the postition of the Red and Pick Ranger, the game of pertending to be the Power Rangers always was fun.

Us against them

Our society is soley baced on comparesions. Who are you compared to the Smiths? What is better coke or pepsi? Who has the fancier car? Who has better grades?Nothing is just it's self. We can't begin to comprehend not being "able to look at someone else and know how far along on his journey he is." We need to know because we then know how we are in comparison. We need it straight and to the point. No wishy wash. We don't want confusion. As a country that strives to greatness, we want to move towardes the future, fast. We need answers so we can move on, not more confusion and questions which only keep us in a never ending circle. We want a beginning and an end. As a society we are linear. In Siddhartha's society, everything is a circle. Everything is part of everything else. there is no end and begining, no black and white, no Brahman and diceplayer.

What McDonalds Means to Me.

The Golden Archs symbolize the collosle machine known as McDonalds. If you go anywhere, even most thirdworld countries, and ask the people what the Arches mean, they will know. A study was conducted in the movie Supersize Me that showed that children below the age of five knew the McDonalds symbol even better than they knew what Jesus looked like. Those arches are every where. It is no longer just on a sign high above the trees at every exit on a road trip, but also in our home, our tv, our school. I choose this icon because a friend pointed it out to me and ever since then i have been seeing it everywhere. I saw it in my house on a cup we were using at the dinner table. I saw it on a girls whatch. I even saw it on the six o'clock news (not a comercial but on the screen). For many those icons mean a quick, easy, tasty meal. But under it all, arches stand for safety, support, strength, and importance. These values might not be the first thing you think of about McDonalds, but they are there subtly.

Today in class a special quote caught my attention in the story "Parker's Back." At first I passed it up and never gave it a second thought. When we read it in class and i thought about it I was cought in thought and spaced out for several minutes. My mind raced with the possibilities and the chances and hundreds of questions raced through my head like planes leaving a busy airport, flying all in different places and each carying passangers that leave for another trip once they reach their destination, many times landing in intersecting paths with others. This created a wed of thought that soon lost me so deep that I came back to reality in a daze. The question that sent me into this state was; "It was as if a blind boy had been turned so gently in a different direction that he did not know his destination had been changed." These are the questions that I loose myself in and I find to be thought changing. I live for the feeling of becoming lost in the infinate possibilities of paths and choises. Questions, like the ones this quote arises, can't be answered or written. The thought process can't be put to paper or even words. Every time I read a qoute or see something that provokes this kind of thought sea, I feel like a horse that has been cramped in a stable is set free to gallop endlessly on a beach. But reluctantly I come back to reality, I do have class.